Sex and sexuality

You might have come across this list on the social media. The message warns parents about the activities of young people on the internet, especially with regards to sex and sexual acts. In the article written by Kelly Wallace, and reported on the CNN website, parents were advised on the need to get more internet savvy so they will be abreast with the activities of their young children and their language of communicating with their peers. This, the report stated is necessary in order to ensure adequate monitoring and good parenting. To succeed in parenting in the 21st century, parents must not only learn to be friends with their children but must also be knowledgeable of happenings in their world and the language they use in communication with one another. Providing an analogy where a mother and a daughter are sitting in the living room while the young daughter is sexting away with her friends or lovers, the report asked if such a mother can decode the meaning of the number 9, if she saw her daughter texting it to a friend. Until I read it, I never could have guessed its meaning as well. So, let’s run through the list first before we learn some more interesting sex slangs as promised last week. Please, do remember that this piece is purely a resource material and is not intended to offend the sensibility of anyone. Thank you.   IWSN – I want sex now GNOC – Get naked on camera NIFOC – Naked in front of computer PIR  – Parent in room 5  CU46  – See you for sex 53X  – Sex 9  – Parent watching 99 – Parent gone 1174′  – Party meeting place THOT  – That hoe over there CID – Acid (the drug) Broken  – Hungover from alcohol 420 – Marijuana POS  – Parent over shoulder SUGARPIC  – Suggestive or erotic photo KOTL  – Kiss on the lips (L)MIRL  – Let’s meet in real life PRON  – Porn TDTM – Talk dirty to me 8 – Oral sex CD9 – Parents around/Code 9 IPN – I’m posting naked LH6  – Let’s have sex WTTP – Want to trade pictures? DOC  – Drug of choice TWD  – Texting while driving GYPO  – Get your pants off KPC– Keeping parents clueless   There are five identified stages in a sexual relationship. The initial stages where the couple are infatuated with each other is known as  puppy love. Everything is tender and mooshy mooshy. Puppy love may also be used to describe a person’s first love affair. You touch First Base  when you begin to exchange kisses, often wet or soul kisses that leaves you dizzy and desiring for more. By  Second Base, you have started touching with the hands as well as the kissing. On  Third Base, Kissing hands and oral sex is high on the picture. Finally, you touch  Home  or  Fourth Base  when you hit the jackpot. Sex still remains one of the most controversial words in the world, eliciting different meaning and emotions in individuals. Perhaps this may have informed the different names given to it across generations. As the ultimate in sexual acts, it seems to have created its own unique air of must-not-be-named and as such numerous alternatives both colloquial and cultural have been used over time to address this act. Names like  quav, bang, boink, bone, hammer, knack, straff, smash, get down, Lamba, shag, dunk etc.  In fact in Nigerian parlance we have words like  gbensh, dok, stab, browse,  to mention a few. The names of the privates in general seem to enjoy a healthy competition as well, as both the penis and vagina are not left out in terms of their number of aliases. Starting from the Willy  and  John Thomas  (or  Johnson) of our youth, the penis is referred to as the  Dick, Cock and Prick  in our adult years. We also have names such as  Magic stick, Meat stick, Meat rod, tool, wang,  etc. The vagina also has its fair share of alternatives. Those in the erotic literature circles seem, for some reason, to prefer referring to the female sexual organ as a  “slit”  or  “cunt”.  Some may call it a  box, hole or a snatch, tool box, twat, Showty, Kookah,  although it is most commonly known as  pussy,  a name that has definitely stood the test of time. Daisy chain:  Don’t be fooled by that flowery name, it has nothing to do with innocence at all. This refers to a group of more than two partners pleasuring themselves at the same time. A chain is formed simply because while one partner is touching one, the one being touched will also be working on another partner. The act extend to the next partner until all the member partners are working simultaneously on each other to form a ring or chain of activities. A small version of the daisy chain is the spit roast involving only three partners, usually a woman and two men. Kissing is perhaps the most erotic and romantic art of sexual act and just as there are many types of kisses, so kissing itself has been blessed with many names such as  “doing the deed”,  tongue wrestling, Tonsil Hockey, Snogging, Gum Swapping, Frenching, Swapping spit, Tonguing, Sucking face, Necking or Locking lips  similar to the Yoruba slang,  “won jete” meaning eating of lips. The female breasts are no doubt the most conspicuous of a woman’s sexual assets. Being the focal point in the female anatomy, it goes without much ado that it will have its fair share of baptismal names. Such names as the  ‘twin girls’  or  the girls,  boobs, jubblies, belisha beacons, tits, baps, thrupney bits, bells, pillows and gavabos  for a woman with large breasts. The female breasts are also synonymous to    fruits,  melons  and  oranges. In Nigerian local parlance, we have names such as  cowbells, tu-face, agbalumo  (African Cherry),  attackers, manchester.  You can add yours. The word  Sodomy  may connote different things to different people. Its etymology dates back as far as the Biblical city of Sodom and Gomorrah recorded in the book of Genesis. Sodomy, coitus sodomus or worship at the back alter, can be legal or illegal depending on circumstance. It simply describes  anal sex  and is practised by both heterosexual (different sex) couple and homosexual (same sex) couple. Once described as a deviant sexual activity, the word sodomy is gradually becoming obsolete and giving way to anal sex or intercourse, homosexual sex and bestiality. In the movie, Jaded released in 1999, Assistant District Attorney, Lisa Heller, played by Catherine Dent, succinctly described sodomy as “when a person engages in deviant sexual intercourse with another person by force or compulsion. Or if the person is incapable of consent by being physically helpless or if they are under eleven years old”. Or simply underage. In the homosexual circle, the man who gets banged is called the  bottom man  and it naturally goes that the other will be called the  top man. Ninja sex:  This simply describes noiseless sex. Many of us are likely to have experienced this at some point. Your girlfriend comes over for the night and your room mate is home. You can’t let the opportunity pass you by, so you do it. You live in a room with your children sleeping on the floor. You live in a room and parlor and your mother-in-law is around for omugoh; Sex under this condition requires some level of ingenuity as you do not want them to wake up and see you digging it. So you need to make sure the bed springs do not squeak. You need to comport yourself so you don’t moan loudly, talk dirty or thrash around in ecstasy. So, like a Ninja on a mission, you simply sneak in and out. It is not only friendship that bonds guys together. Sometimes, dating the same girl, or haven done so at some point in the past, can do so. When two guys get to know that they both have shared the sack with the same girl and it does not elicit bad blood between them, then they are said to be Eskimo brothers. This way, even a father and son (yes, father and son, as in a famous confession) who have shagged the same girl become Eskimo brothers. Earlier this year, a celebrity was spotted at a social event with two young ladies tied to a leash like dogs. This elicited an outcry and condemnation from the general public. Some called it abuse of women while others called to question the upbringing and background of the young girls. The man was portrayed as a villain and the young girls victims of circumstances in the country. Many did not know that the trio were engaged in what is known as  BDSM. This is a broad term used to describe certain erotic sexual behaviour between consenting adults. The word  consenting  is very key in this subculture as everything revolves around domination and submission of the individuals to the various sexual acts they engage in.    Those who engage in the act are called  dominant  and  submissive.      The dominant is the physically active and controlling partner while the submissive is the receiver and controlled partner. To act out their roles or sexual fantasy, the submissive must sign off his/her physical or mental power to the dominant in what is known as  power exchange. Then the games begin. Those who engage in this sort of sexual behaviour derive their pleasure from inflicting and receiving pain, humiliation, being restrained -like in the case of the two girls leashed as dogs. You may find it interesting to know that there are clubs also known as  dungeons  or play spaces  where BDSM is practiced in Nigeria. So, don’t be fooled. Have you ever had a drink called  Sex Smoothie  or  Sex Cocktail? Don’t bother your pretty head wondering where you can get it. Its neither in stores or bars. You simply have to produce yours. Let me give you the recipe: 2oz squirt juice. 3oz of semen. 1oz of male/female urine, 1oz of saliva. 4oz shot of tequila. Blend for a few seconds and voila, its ready. Best served chilled! More of these slangs will be published some other time. Do have a wonderful weekend!